Wednesday, February 25, 2009

Sunday Gras
Play Dough Shower
“Drinking” Party
Well let me try to explain how this came about….
First there was an email from Mrs. Laura Dough Boy the next day after the Black Widow’s Valentine’s Dinner Party:
“Oh my! Oh my! Thank goodness I drove to the widow's dinner with Mrs. Flat Stanley! She is a science teacher and all and that's kind of like a medical person or a doctor, you realize!

On the way home from the Widows lair (AKA Biker's) we heard a "pop" and a few seconds later there was dough all over my (Laura, here) lap! (Actually, so far this is true)...

Then we realized what was happening! I had the baby in the car and thank goodness Mrs. flat Stanley kept her midwifery type cool! Play was born and weighed about 6 or 7 ounces depending upon whatever size can we might have had... You know those strings to help you pop the cans open - thank goodness Em knew this -- well... they double as umbilhical chords, I know that, normally, umbilhical chords do not have the letter "h" in them but we were all singing"h" at the time so I included an"h".

Of course, the baby has been named Play Em” in honor of both my husbands last wish and the quick, patient, heroic, midwifery, doctory, teacherie skills of the baby's soon to be godmother, Emme Stanley.

I just knew that you would all want to know!”
-- Mrs. Laura Dough

A brand new dough ball girl!! I said we should have a Baby Shower! Then Laura stated that she had tons of beverages that she needed to clear out of her pantry before Lent started. Then Not-So-Good having a kidney infection and who should be drinking plenty of beverages (as the doc recommended). And, well, things seem to rather escalate with this group; so thus we ended up having the
"Sunday Gras Play Dough Shower “Drinking” Party".
(Photo: The chocolate covered carrot.)

Shortly after coming through the door, I notice a chocolate covered carrot setting on a plate. First thing I said was,” I’m sorry but that is just TOO warped!” Jeanne Not-So-Good said that it was rather phallic; which then all of us gals had a few comments concerning. (Which I’m staying on the high road here and not going to go into here.) The chocolate covered carrot was an attempt by Laura as a low-carb treat for Not-So-Good; who recently has been diagnosed as Diabetic.
(Photo: Laura and her new sippy cup. She looks a little mischevious?)

Beverages: We all helped ourselves to beverages that were in Laura’s sink full of ice. Now mind you, Laura has never consumed alcoholic beverages; so all of these beverages were of the non-alcoholic-type. There were tons of fruit juices, bottled water, Canada Dry, Coke, Diet Coke, Diet Cherry Coke and various Jone’s Sodas. Susan ended up making “cocktails” for quite a few of the gals. It was a special blend of cranberry juice and Canada Dry. We got a little concerned about Emme driving home at the end of the night because she had drunk quite a few of the cocktails. Such the drinker! But hey, I had three Diet Cherry Cokes myself. So whom I to talk!

(Photos: Top- Laura reading her card. Bottom- Laura getting her cow plate.)
While we were waiting for the pizza to finish in the oven, Laura opened up her baby shower present. It was a cow themed nursery! She got a cow plate, and matching sippy cup! The gift bag even had a mini diaper on it with the tag line below: “For Your Little Stinker”.

After the presents we listened to the song titled Mary Catherine’s Ash Wednesday Journal Entry as “channel” sung by Christine Kane; a gifted singer and comedian. I guess it’s from her “Right Outta Nowhere” album.

Mary Catherine's Ash Wednesday Journal Entry (Christine Kane)
TV, Pepsi, Oreo Ice cream
Cuss words, nail biting
Back talk and fighting
This list was my profusion
Of New Year's resolutions
But failing that attempt
I'll give them up for Lent

Chorus:Easter's just around the bend
Once again it is Lent
And my face is smeared with ashes
Either I will run away or I'll stay
And sit through
Another hundred million masses
Friday dinner is less than festive
My mom tries hard to be creative
It's always topped with things
Like crispy onion strings
As if her kids won't know
It's tuna casserole

I have always tried real hard
To keep on pretending
My family's normal but it's not
My little brother is in the yard
He's out there reenacting
All the stations of the cross
And when he falls the second time
My dad marches out there
And drags my brother back inside
And my best friend Brittney
Looks on then turns to me
She says, Ohmigod Mary Catherine
I'm so glad I'm Unitarian

It was wonderfully amusing for us Catholic women. Then Laura told us how she has a bunch of former students that believe there's an extra station of the cross where Jesus thanks Veronica; which was a very amusing story.
(Photo: Laura explaining the extra station of the cross.)
(Photo: Jeanne Not-So-Good enjoying the chocolate covered carrot.)

We enjoyed our salad, pizza, and beverages while we watched a movie. We had our frozen candy bars, and Not-So-Good had her chocolate covered carrot.

Wednesday, February 18, 2009

Black Widow's Valentine's Dinner Party

(Above: Here's the "Widows" look as sad as they can...Don't we just look pitiful? )
Oh and here's the fine print.......
(***Disclaimer—none of us are really widow’s, well except for one, we are just a group of single unattached girlfriends that were looking for something to do for Valentine’s Day. AND this is what we came up with….
--We each come to the party dressed up as a widow.
--We bring a picture, an obit., or story about a factitious husband that passed away.
Oh, and did I mention that this is the second fictitious husband for some of us?)

(Above: This is our "Tough Widow" Look. What do you think?)

Here follows a brief description of the event.....
Oh the Black Widow’s Dinner Party was a great deal of fun, and such a good combo of fun, food,
and company. I had a couple of moments when I was laughing SO hard that it brought tears which seemed fitting for some of the funeral talk that was going around the tables. There was a great deal of variety and clever ideas for what these gals came up with for their fictitious husbands.
(Above: Laura in Agony!--notice the Pillsbury roll necklace and earrings---Homemade!)

Laura’s former hubby was none other than the Pillsbury Dough Boy. The funeral service was held at 350 for 20 minutes. In lieu of “flours” she asked that contributions to the Bakery Fund to provide for the little one that was still in the oven. She even brought a sonogram of the little one who will be called “Play Dough”--- it was Dough Boys last request on his death bed. On the funeral program that she handed out there’s a quote from Psalms 119(I believe)—“At midnight I will rise up and give thanks to Thee…” There were also numerous quotes from Aunt Jemima, Betty Crocker, and other baking celebrities.
(Above: Em in her sadness with Not-So-Good)

Emmey was married to Flat Stanley who died during a paper shredder accident. I myself will admit that I had never heard of Flat Stanley before. But I guess that if you have had children, or been involved in the educating of children in the last 25 years you would have heard of him. He’s a character that has traveled the world and been photoed with famous people, as well as political figures. Emmey said that they quite often would take tours of Office Depots, and other paper places. In fact, she was on a three day tour at an Office Depot in the US when Flat Stanley had his accident in Istanbul. As a last request, Flat Stanley’s headstone was taken a photo of with all of the Black Widows, and the headstone is now on its way to a school room in Ohio. (Rather cool!)
(Above: Not-So-Good with a picture of her dear Eddie.)

Jeanne Not-So-Good —(alias- Eddie’s Belle) came looking like a mafia figured wife. Her former hubby, Eddie, was raised in Marlboro country, and he left behind his three beloved goats--- Pall, Mall, and Gold. Eddie was quite the inhaler, and came down with that rare disease of cancer. She would have stayed longer but she was catching the red eye flight to hook up with Eddie’s brother because she missed the smell of Eddie SO bad (and I think Eddie’s brother smoked the same brand of cigarettes). But for the life of her she always remember smelling that certain waft of Eddie at her best friend’s house and she could not figure out why. (Could it be her Eddie was messing around on the side?)(Did I happen to mention that Eddie’s brother’s name is Benson Hedges?)
(Above: Mary(the Popette) in her regal cardinal red with Not-So-Good)

Mary, the Popette, said goodbye to her hubby ---Claudius Fireend. A quiet man of modest accomplishments whose passing away went unnoticed for four days in the apartment lobby. His main accomplishment to the community was tearing up a concrete sidewalk looking for a nickel that fell from his pocket. The coin was never found, the pavement was replaced, and Claudius convinced the judge that “a nickel, is a nickel, is a nickel.” Oh, and did I mention that his wife’ name was Pandemoniabelle.
(Above: Me with my Biker Chick Award--(Thanks Laura!) and Me with the Wedding Photo)

I was married to a witch doctor/headhunter named--- Vanuattu Yumi Yum Yum. He fell victim to his cannibalistic family who didn’t recognize him and he was eaten. The shock drove his mother, Plat Long Yumi Yum Yum to become a vegetarian, but his father, Stub Rub Yumi Yum Yum, continued to hold true to the ancient cannibalistic lifestyle. Vanuattu held true to his ethnic heritage and always wearing the coconut shells and grass skirt. He did, however, often complain about the “Nor’easter Drafts” up the back of his skirt during those cold winter months. He cured me of being a clown but I did have a slight relapse at the funeral; wearing my black with yellow smiley face clown hat, and I painted tears on to my face because of the sadness I’m still overcoming.

Needless to say it was a VERY fun night that was had by all of us, and I think a successful working through of feelings for all of the sorrowful widows. I will try to send out pictures of the event.