Wednesday, November 30, 2011

How Did I Get Here? & Month End Stats

Ever get one of those quiet reflective moments that you are sitting there and wondering WTF happened to bring you to this point? That was me this morning at 5:45AM waiting for the Pilates Reformer Class. I will admit that I wasn’t feeling like my usual self and thus, I guess I wasn’t on auto-pilot.  I found myself in a reflective mood.
Photo- Diane Ross eat your heart out.  It's Ollie in drag!

I’m quietly sitting waiting in my frigid car in front of the pilates studio and attempting to think warm thoughts. The car heater hasn’t really been working since this latest cold snap and I’ve been meaning to check out to see if it’s just the anti-freeze that needs topping off. (I hope that’s all.) But I’ve been too busy to get it checked out and I’m not mechanically inclined at all. So, here I am freezing my butt off.

Just as my teeth are about to chatter, a car pulls up in the next parking stall. It’s another gal that’s in the pilates class with me. She’s sitting in her less than one year old shiny silver gray with black four door sedan Cooper with tunes and probably a heater that works. Meanwhile, I can't help but think about all of the steps that have led me to be sitting here in a freezing 11 year old scratched and dented (small dents & scratches from leaning my bike on it) silver station wagon that looks like I live out of it. Not that I’m jealous of the situation. I could be sitting there in a newer heated car if I chose to be. But it’s kind of strange that I’m relatively happy sitting here freezing in the old car that has me perplexed. What happened along the way that made me okay with that? Hmmm… Did I have a few screws that came loose along the way?!?

The more I thought; the more I found myself comparing...  I bet she lives in a cute little house with a spoiled cat or a springy young dog that loves to run. Meanwhile, I live in a one bedroom apartment that doesn't allow pets where most days my living room serves as a painting studio which leaves me inclined not to invite guests in. She probably has a productive job that she enjoys and she’s good at it too. Meanwhile, I’m passing the time as a lowly secretary/receptionist that answers phones and sometimes back talks to my boss. I really should be fired but for some reason I’m not. I will admit that my work is not fulfilling but I’ve reached a point where that’s not what I’m looking for. I opted out years ago to settle for an 8-5 type of steady job and I’m okay with that.  Not all of what I AM or who I AM is my job like some people.  I would have to say that I’m everything BUT my job to a certain extent. But overall, I’m happy with my life. Not that I couldn’t use some changes but overall I’m happy.

The pilates studio opens its doors. We both get out of our cars to head in and I can’t help but compare myself.   Now, is this mentally unhealthy of me to do this? I don’t think so. I see it as a litmus test. And so the comparison continues… She’s a tall blonde slender and looks like she’s ready for to model for a layout in a yoga magazine. Her hair is in smooth ponytail with matching headband. She’s wearing a matching black jacket with long yoga pants and black sleek tennis shoes.

Here I am looking like I’m homeless and look like I HAVE been living in my car. I’m in an oversized fleece jacket with a mismatched hoodie and almost threadbare yoga capris. I’m wearing knee high shearling winter boots, fingerless colorfully striped knitted gloves from some third world country and have topped off the whole affair with a black & gray skull cap to cover my bed head hair that is in BAD need of a color dye. So, in another words I look like I was literally dragged out of bed from my car.

We walk in and she (Ms. Yoga Model) is all sunny “Good Morning!” Meanwhile, I mumble “good morn” as I’m consciously trying to tug my hat off so my hair isn’t sticking straight up. You see, I really had a time trying to drag myself out of bed this morning for some reason. Which is really not LIKE me at all but my lack of being “put together” this morning seems very obvious when I’m staggering in with Ms Yoga Model next to me.

It’s later after the pilates class as I’m heading home in my still frigid car that I think that there MUST be a few screws loose as I’m happily puttering home to shower and change for work.  But I will admit that I wasn't happy with the scale when I got home.  It had been almost two weeks since I've stepped on it and I found myself up by 3 lbs.  Ouch!  Yep, there's some things that I want to change.

November's Monthly Stats--
27.5 miles running
60 miles cycling
3hours 11 minutes on the elliptical
Read 2 THICK books this month (bringing to a total of 55 books for year)
and ...
I'm up to #95 on the 100 Salt Lake City Porches Painting Project.  To view the progress of the project you can click here.  Here's the latest...
"100 Salt Lake City Porches, No.95"; Oil on 12" x 12" Canvas

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