Wait THAT’S My Plate & Jump Board Friday…

So a couple of days ago a friend texts me this picture…

WOW! Hey, who took my lisc. plate? THAT should be mine. I sent her a text back and told her to Repo THAT plate!! Of course, I would probably just hang it on my wall at home. I won’t want to actually put it on my car. That’s a bit TOO much All Good for my liking.


This morning I went to another pilates reformer jump board class. Yes, there was another session of the “Saddle-Bags-Be-Gone”. But before that lovely part of the class we ended up doing some more new and interesting things. We did a new move. We put two springs on, put our feet in the straps, clutched on to the shoulder holds and then we were SUPPOSED to PULL ourselves into a position that’s basically a head stand on the machine. Oh, how I was struggling. I couldn’t seem to pull my A$$ off of the pilates machine. I decided I needed to clutch the shoulder rest a bit harder and really try to pull with my non-existent abs.


The next thing I know…the shoulder rest is pulled out and in my left hand. I laughed and stated,” I think I’m not doing this right.” Sweet mild talking Laura ran over and helped put the shoulder rest back on the machine. I finally did manage to get into the head stand like position but I had to kick up my legs to get myself into the position. But it was a bit embarrassing because I’m breaking machinery. Well, maybe not but I was beginning to wonder just how bad of a calamity I was.


From the handstand we continue on with straps still on our feet but this time we are squeezing a blue 9” round plastic ball between our ankles. I teased Laura about really challenging my coordination now. Laura told us to “Squeeze that ball as your legs go from straight to table top, and back.” Then, she had us change our feet so that our toes were pointing out. It was challenging keeping the ball in place. OMG! Then, we were told to change our feet position to point our toes in toward each other, and continue with the table top legs to straight legs again. It was a relief when the ball of the gal next to me sprung out and across the room. I HAD to laugh and say I was waiting for that to happen to me.


One the last feats before the “Saddle-Bags-Be-Gone” exercise was doing the dog position on the reformer machine facing the wall and putting one leg straight out behind and using that back leg to jump horizontally. OMG! It’s a tangent of the “Saddle-Bags-Be-Gone”! Only on this one, I had to figure how to stay up in the dog position as I was jumping. Meanwhile I’m trying not to notice that I’m now starting to pour sweat down my forehead on the machine. Drip, drip, drip! I think this was the first time I’ve really broke out in a sweat in this class. Though, I will say that it seemed as though the building was warmer when we came in this morning; or I should say that I’d like to blame it on something else that was causing me to ”glow” & “glisten” So much.


It was almost a relief when we were directed to lay on our side on the machine and started in on the single side legs jumps which I refer to as “Saddle-Bags-Be-Gone”. I will say that my body is adjusting to this exercise because this afternoon as I’m typing this I don’t feel the pain in my saddle bags like I did last week. That’s a good thing. Though, I KNOW I still have those saddle bags because I’m still going up and down with the same weight this week too! Darn it!

Plank + Pilates = OMG! I DO Have Core Muscles!

Yesterday morning, I went to my fourth class of reformer Pilates. About half way through the class the cute spunky bright red-headed instructor had us (a class of 7) do the yoga position the “plank” on the reformer machine.

Oh boy! I think to myself I have a hard enough time doing the “plank” position on solid ground let alone try to do it on a machine that slides around. So here I am struggling to get into a “plank” position as part of the machine is moving around. I finally figure out where to put my toes; in the crevice between the shoulder rests. I place my elbows/forearms on the other side of the machine and slowly try to push my body into a “plank” position. My face is forming into a grimace as I’m struggling to get into position but somehow I manage it much to my surprise, or so I thought…


The instructor comes by, gently puts a hand on my stomach area, and states that I need to bring my abs up more to be in-line with the rest of the “plank”. So much for thinking I was in “plank” position! “WHAT?!? OMG!” I think to myself. I really don’t think my body will do that but I try a little harder. My face forms into an even tighter grimace.

Then, the instructor says to curl in those toes and abs towards your head. WTF! You GOT to be kidding! But I try to curl my toes up and my face forms into a grimace SO tight that I’m concerned about my eyes popping out of my head. Now I’m sure I’m starting to look like snarling bull dog. My bottom lip is almost to the tip of my nose. But instead of snarling, I’m emitting a small whimpering sound.

The instructor, then gently states to go back into plank position, I look up at her. I guess my grimace looked pretty darn funny because she breaks out laughing. It’s rather embarrassing to say the least! With that, I totally collapse into the machine. Meanwhile, everyone else in the class is still in “plank” position.


It’s as my friend Diane and I are leaving the class that I state that I must have NO core muscles at all. Diane laughs and states,” That’s why you are here! But I’m sure you have some core muscles.” It’s later in the day when I’m sitting at my desk at work that my core “abs” are SO sore. I’m sitting straighter than I’ve ever sat and taking small shallow breathes because anything else hurts. OWWWwwwie! My Abs! My Abs!

My abs are STILL sore today and it’s a whole day after. I texted Diane this morning...

“Holy crap Batman! I DO have core muscles! Who knew!?!?

And the Punch Line Is...

"And BOY are my arms tired!" 

I swam a mile this morning and OMG are my arms ever feeling it!  First off, I was amazed that I could still swim; and to manage that far out of the gate? Well, that was stupendous!  But in hind sight it might have just been plain stupid.  My arms started feeling it when I got home and started to make some breakfast.  You see, I met Diane at 6AM up at the pool and I was just barely awake enough to find where I laid out items from the night before.  No time for breakfast and besides I was taught never to eat before the pool.  Drowning just is not appealing.

So, I reach up to the cupboard door and pain strikes!  These muscles obviously haven't been used in while and they were DEFINITELY letting me know.  I managed through making a bowl of cream of wheat for breakfast but I had a full on grimace face when I put the bowl in the microwave which is above the refrig. in my apartment.  I was especially glad that I had canisters on the kitchen counter with sugar; a much more manageable level.  But later on, I found myself wishing I had mind control to turn off light switches.  Oh, to just think that the light switch is on or off in a thought; today it sounds pretty good to me.

During my swim, I discovered that it was time for a new swimsuit.  I had this suit for two years but age and chlorine had caught up with it.  It felt like I was swimming with a sack on.  The whole time I was concerned that it would stay on or some of those folks that wear goggles were going to get an eyeful.  Yes, I'm still not wearing goggles when I'm swimming. 

I tried one of Diane's new water toys out.  It's a set of paddles that you strap on to your hands.  Well, I should say I tried them but I didn't put them on correctly.  I found out later from Diane that they should be strapped so that the paddle is against your palm; not the back of your hand the way I had them.  That would explain why they didn't seem to work right for me; and also, explain the puzzled looks the life guards were giving me. (Though, it always seems like they keep a close eye on me-- I think it's the "Most Likely to Drown" sign I have on my forehead.)  I did, however, manage one lap in my warped kind of way with the paddles on.  Live and learn, I guess!  So anyway, for those of you that may have been like me, here's a photo of how to properly have the paddles on...

The proper way to wear the paddles.

Homework to do before next week's swim?  Get a new swimsuit.  Swimming in a sack is not easy.  And I need to do a bit more upper arm working out.

Sunday Snow Hiking Fun!

Kym, Susan, & Diane-- Them Posers!

Sunday late morning, I went with friends snow hiking up a small local canyon.  Neff's Canyon is kind of tucked in above the mid eastern bench area of the Salt Lake Valley.  It is a pretty little canyon where locals go snow hiking, snow shoeing, cross country skiing, or just take the dogs out for a bit of a hike.  Quite often on the way down (if the valley air is clear) you can see over the entire Salt Lake Valley.  It's an amazing view! 

Myself & Susan

We had met at a local bagel/coffee place and decided where to go for our hike.  It was going to be about 3 mile round trip; up and back hike.  It started out fairly cold and I put an extra layer on when we arrived at the parking lot.  There was just a nice dusting of new snow from the day before so we passed on the snowshoes and I took my Yaktrax along just in case it was icy.  We got about a third of the way up, and two of us(Susan & I) paused in the hike to let the other two catch up. 

It was here that I had some problems. I discovered that my fingers were really freezing.  They were so cold that they felt like they were burning.  I Susan's gloves on but no change.  Then, the two that were now caught up arrived.  Kym had mittens with outside mini pockets and I put them on.  Then had her open my packages of hand warmers, which I had brought along (just in case) and she put into the mini pockets.  Awwww... warmth! 

Treat break! Kym, Susan, & Diane.

But then, I bonked!  My head felt like it was swimming and my eye sight started to get that fuzzy TV screen effect.  I felt a wave of nausea.  I laid down in the snow quick; standing was just too much.  Susan had some animal cookies, and had me eat one.  Then, they helped me stand up.  I was ready to go back down, but they said no that I needed to get a little better before we attempted to go back down. 

Diane talked me into continuing on but taking it slower.  Susan and I had really pushed it that first bit.  It proved to be a little bit too much for me.  Of course, it probably wasn't smart of me to be doing this kind of activity so soon after a day of cleansing my system.  I didn't have any of the reserve like I usually would have.  Cleansing?  Well, my version constincts of a day where I have water and herbal tea for most of the day and then have a dinner with vegetables and whole wheat bread.  I try to do it at least once a month of kind of reset my body.

Me at the top with a bit of attitude-- where's the flag?  I've conquered!

As we continued on going slower up the canyon, I felt better.  We stopped a couple of more times before reaching the top.  Diane shared with us little goodies that she had brought along.  One stop, she shared a yummy chocolate chip cream cheese cup cake; and the stop at the top she had a bag of fruit & nut mix.  When I got to the top I finally felt like myself and it's always seems easier to hike down hill than up.  It was as we went down that we saw some of the cutest little dogs coming up.  They were like a little fur ball with tiny feet working their way up the canyon.  Hey, if a little fur ball could make it that far; what was I complaining about?

Furniture Jenga~!

Last night after coming home from my water color painting class, I rolled up my sleeves and started in on a game of Furniture Jenga. Why you might ask? Am I, perhaps, insane? Or maybe this is part of a new workout theory? Or is it just that I don’t get enough excitement that I need to be plying stacks of furniture into my kitchen just for fun of it? NO! All this game of Furniture Jenga was in preparation for having my carpets cleaned.


So here I am last night looking at my pint sized kitchen and trying to figure how to fit as much of my living room furniture, and possibly some of my bedroom into that space. Now let me preface that my living room is a living room as well it serves as a dining room too. It was a vertical jigsaw puzzle that needed to be solved and just may prove how much of a warped mind I might have.

I started first with the bulky loveseat on its side. Nope! Not going to work. After a few more gruntingly laborious attempts, the loveseat ended up on its back facing up. It left plenty of room for stacking chairs, tables, pillows (why does there always seem to be an excess of pillows?), and what not. Next, my dining room bistro set, then an end table, and then … well, you get the picture. I arranged a few times over and ended up putting some of the more “weather proof” items on my ¼ pint sized balcony.

I went to bed last night with a small sense of accomplishment that I had only my futon, an alarm clock, and my cell phone out in the carpeted areas. After getting ready for work in the morning, I dragged the wooden futon frame into the bathroom. It fit just barely, and left just enough room for the futon mattress. It had maybe taken me 10 minutes top to move the futon frame into the bathroom. The futon mattress, however, was a whole different beast all together. It was like trying to move a huge dead body. (Not that I would actually know how to handle a dead body.)  It took me a total of 30 minutes to wrestle that darn mattress into a slim place between the futon frame and the bathroom door.  Whew!  What a relief!

It was after this wrestling match with the futon mattress I looked down and discovered I shouldn’t have worn my black work clothes to do this job. Being that I already running a bit late I tried to just slap some of the dust off of my black clothes. As I’m heading towards the door, I remember my lunch that happens to be in the refrig in the kitchen. Oooopps! In the refrig that I can not open the door to because there’s a huge stack of furniture in front of. Darn!

So I’m writing a note to self—No black dress clothes to move furniture in and have a back up plan for lunch because you are an idiot and won’t be able to open the buried refrig door.  On a positive note, I know what’s for dinner tonight!  Of course, that’s after I un-bury it!  DOH!

Bicycle Training for Dummies…

I rather stumbled on to a new form of cycle training last night. Or should I say in hindsight I discovered that I was training when in fact it was not a “planned” training? You’ve got to love that hindsight is 20/20!

(Photo- Half way up Big Mountain-- I had to stop for a breather... Go Figure!)



Last night as I was doing my usual Tuesday night Emigration Canyon ride, I pulled off to the side about 2 miles in. My back tire felt strange to me. A couple of the guys on the ride stopped with me. One of them, being more mechanically minded than me (like 80% of the population) took a look at my back bike tire. Well, to make a long story short… I was riding my bike with the brake rubbing pretty hard. He managed to release the brake enough so I could still use my brake and ride the rest of the canyon.



(Photo- Fall color on way from Emigration towards Big Mountain's base.)


It was as I was riding my bicycle up the rest of the canyon that I got to thinking. My rear brake was probably rubbing pretty hard against my back tire ALL weekend long. That would especially explain why the ride on Saturday seemed harder than usual when I was going up Emigration, and well, that climb to the 7100 ft top of Big Mountain. It had exhausted me, and seemed to take FOR-EV-ER! But the real thing that had amazed me was that somehow I had managed to stay up right riding that mountain at 3.1mph. OMG! I never knew I could ride a bike that slow uphill and stay upright! (Mind Blowing!)

(Photo- The VIEW from the top of Big Mountain.)

So last night as everyone was regrouping at the top of Little Mountain (Emigration’s Summit), one of the guys asked if this was a new form of training by having the brake on. “Kind of like that little old lady driving in the fast lane with the brake on?” Meanwhile I thought to myself, “Yeah, its Bicycle Training for Dummies!” Now

where did I put my dunce helmet?

BOOT CAMP--Day 5-- My First Yoga Experience?

It’s a

question

of

balance?!!?

Yes, we are back to my balance issue. This morning I found out that good balance is a necessity to doing yoga properly. Of course, the teacher did point out that the floor we are on (which is a semi- hard cushion matted floor- ideal for gymnastics ) is making it harder to balance than a normal situation where quite often there’s a hard wooden floor and only your exercise mat for cushion. Well, at least there was a cushion if I fell.

Before we began, the teacher and a fellow class member suggested that I remove my shoes and socks. “It prevents you from sliding.” I was told. Okay, I remove my socks, and before I know it we were imitating furniture and animals. It was table position, then cat position, and dog position…cat, dog, table, cat, dog, cat, table. It was a cat and dog fight around a table! LOL! Oh my!

Somehow we ended up in a warrior position of which there are three different variations. Warrior—1, 2, and 3 (one pose shown with ocean background) with certain smaller variations all were basically a lunge position with arms out. I was starting to notice my balances issues by this point. From here on out, and most of the class I found myself tittering to stay upright. We moved on to a great deal of other positions. The order of these positions I couldn’t remember because all of them seemed to be flowing into each other, and I was struggling to figure out just where each part of my body was supposed to be in each position. Some of the positions were called names like; triangle(shown in photo at top), tree, wave, upward dog, downward dog, swan dive, the splits, and the pigeon. Gee, all we are missing were the lions and tigers! Oh, my!

The tree position (shown at left) proved just how lousy my balance was. You start by standing upright with feet together and your hands at the “center” (in prayer at chest height). From there you TRY to put the bottom of one foot against the thigh of your other leg while still maintaining an upright position. Then once you have achieved that you reach you arms up towards the ceiling while looking up at your hands. Okay, then you slowly lower the one leg and repeat it on the other side. Here I am still struggling to get my first foot against my thigh; while the rest of the class seems to stream on by. Magnificent trees up against my attempt at a bush?

The pigeon? Don't ask me where they got the idea to call this position after a bird. I couldn't see any resemblance but then again my form was so BAD I was probably the ultimate garbage pigeon. In this position your hands are on the floor shoulder width apart, one leg is stretched out back behind you on the floor, and the other leg is folded across in front of the other leg with the front calf against the floor. Owwww! But wait there was more to this position... We go from regular pigeon to SCREAMING pigeon. You got to be kidding! Any position that starts with SCREAMING when my muscles are all ready SCREAMING can not be a good thing. (photo-outline of the SCREAMING pigeon pose.)

The SPLITS!??!? Here I ended up slipping on the exercise mat, and twisted my ankle a bit. After that I took a bit of care with trying this position. The teacher was amazing and was completely in the splits---Oh, to be that young and limber again! But no worries though, my ankles are doing fine now in the 3-1/4 “heels I’m wearing at work. Yes, I can wear high heels like these and stay balanced, and walk; but I can balance my own body for half of the yoga positions this morning. Boggles the mind!

Eventually, we worked our way into a plow position. Gee, I think I would need a backhoe to plow my butt off of the floor by this point. I couldn’t seem to manage to swing my legs together, over my head, and pull my behind off the floor at the same time. You were supposed to go on and support your back with your hands and elbows. This position was similar to a head stand which I haven’t attempted since I was in elementary school. I just laid there and watched every else do it.

Lastly, we did what I can only refer to as a Yoga Ball. You hug your knees to your chest and then you concentrate on squeezing every muscle from your toes to scrunching your face. After you do that you lay flat on your back arms wide, and go through and relax every muscle. AWwwwwww! I felt pretty good, surprisingly.

Rest, Thoughts, and Swimsuit Contortions....

It's raining and my bike is in the shop so I feel justified in taking a night off from my Tri training. I'm enjoying a day of rest; a whole day off. Not that partial day that Diane is always teasing me about where I still get in a 11 mile bike ride in the early mornings. She refers to them as "Jeanne Day's Off" versus everyone else's day off. I will admit that I push myself a little too hard sometimes. I'm convinced that it is genetic. This last summer my mom was supposed to be recovering from foot surgery. She painted the entire outside of her house, and planted a new tree in the backyard. What can I say---"It's in the genes!"

But I am learning. (Or at least trying to...) One thing I am learning through all of this training is that you need to listen to your body. Respect it and it'll work well with you. Don't respect it--- and you can be in a world of hurt. Though, I know that there's some hurt that naturally comes with this type of training. I can't help but feel (or imagine) that after the SLOW SALTY DOG Tri that I'll be in a whole world of hurt. I'm going to feel like dog meat that's been put through the grinder. The amazing thing is that this is a "grinder" of my own making. I'm purposely doing this to myself. I REALLY must have one twisted mind!

As I'm thinking these twisted thoughts last night, I remember that I got my new swimsuit in the mail yesterday. I need to try it on. I had a plastic hook that broke on the old one. It was almost 8 years old. It was time for a new swimsuit; anyway that's my excuse. It's not as though I don't have a couple of other swimsuits. It's just that I don't feel that a tropical print bikini, or a black monokini are appropriate for lap swimming. ( Some more twisted thinking?)

So out comes the new swimsuit. It's a ClubSwim Lycra one piece (pictured above). Right away I notice that it doesn't have the plastic hook. A good thing, I think. But it is then that I 'm standing with suit in hand trying to figure out how to get this small Lycra one piece on me. At least with the plastic hook I could figure out how to get the suit on. Now in the back there are solid straps that don't move. I look at the tags attached to the suit in hopes of some kind of hint or at least a suggestion? Nothing on how to put the suit on but plenty of directions on the care of the article. My mind is boggled! We live in a culture where there are directions on how to open cereal boxes but not even a hint on how to put on a one piece swim suit.

Well, I guess it's trial and error time. First, I put my feet through the lower back and pull up the suit. Okay... I've got the bottom part on. Now to figure out the top.....hmmm. So I decide to bend over as much as possible and put my head as close to my waist as I can in hopes of fitting my head through the same hole as I just put the rest of my body. Nope! NO CAN DO!

Okay, I think to myself. There's more than one way to skin a cat. I take the suit off and decide to put the top part on first through the same hole in the back. Okay, the top part is on.... now the bottom half, hmmm? I lean against the wall and raise one leg to put it through one of the leg holes. I'm sure this is some kind of yoga position where your foot is close to your waist and your holding your ankle there to hold it. Meanwhile, my knee which unfortunately is not double jointed is as far from my body as possible and at almost a 90 degree from my waist. My balance is terrible and I'm leaning more and more on the wall. I catch myself before I almost fall. This is not working! I take off the suit and look at it.

And then the light bulb goes on! I, of course, am calling myself an idiot by now. Gee, what about the top hole you dummy! Amazing! I pull the straps off to the side and slide my feet through the holes at the bottom. The swimsuit pulls right up. Then I loop my arms through the under the straps, and tad ah! The swimsuit is on! WOW! It looks good!

Not one of my brighter moments... and maybe I shouldn't be sharing this with you and the whole wide web world. But you know we all have are moments where we are just plain IDIOTS! And well, that was mine. Hopefully, they are few and far between.